Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Martha vs. Maxine ....

encouragement from Jennifer (0f Lucas*Jennifer*Noah fame) I decided to continue offering some tidbits of advice ... and I don't want my 'butt' to fall off! :>)

Martha says: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Maxine says: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the

couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

Martha says: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Maxine says: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha says: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any

white mess on the outside of the cake.

Maxine says: Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!

Martha says: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt

for an instant 'fix-me-up.'

Maxine says: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made

it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'

Martha says: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Maxine says: Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha says: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Maxine says: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.

Martha says: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Maxine says: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

Martha says: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes

opening jars easy.

Maxine says: Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha says: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Maxine says: Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!

Lastly, if you don't forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew and your butt will

fall off.

Really.... It's true! Have I ever lied to you?????


Tatersmama said...

I think I like Maxine's ideas better!

I'm going to send these off and cross my fingers that my butt will just *lift* a little.
Although if it fell off, I would instantly lose 50 pounds and I could quit this dad-gummed diet!

Bz said...

Saw a clip a short a while back about Maxine's a MAN that does all the Hallmark Maxine stuff. He must have had one heck of a momma.

Lucas*Jennifer*Noah said...

hahaha, although I found many of the "Martha-tips" helpful, I'd rather listen to Maxine anyday!!

My (female) doctor's office posts Maxine comics on the ceiling... lol, I'm sure you can guess why... anyways, the one that always makes me lol: "I'm capable of multitasking; I can laugh, cough, sneeze, and pee all at the same time!" ahahaha!! :)