MAXINE ... my alter ego????

Maxine is just plain crabby and I 'love' her for that reason. She's also very funny ... but did you know she is written by John Wagner, a Hallmark artist since 1970. Wagner says Maxine was inspired by his mother, his maiden aunts and his grandmother, the woman who bought him art lessons ... 'If Maxine can get a laugh out of someone who feels lonely or someone who is getting older and hates the thought of another birthday, or if she can make someone chuckle about stressful interpersonal relationships, then I'm happy. Putting a smile on someone's face is what it's all about.'"





























There are days, thankfully not too many, that I feel just like dear ole Maxine. I can be crabby (please don't ask my family about this, though) I find myself acting out my frustrations (and not so silently, I might add) on this Gaul-darn contraption called a computer. I'm guilty of spending too much time in my 'cave' with this machine ... time that takes away from other 'duties' ... duties that go on even if I am "retired" ... like cleaning the house or cooking (we're talking about preparing meals that do not require a microwave ... I was astounded to discover that not all spices come in little plastic jars with screw on lids!!) Even the new he (that's high efficiency not a gender thing) washer and dryer the Duck bought require my time and concentration and it's sad that both machines are smarter than I am ... THEY know how long it takes to dry the sheets and how much water is needed for the undies ... and that's another thing, even though I'm retired, I still have to change sheets and the towels regularly (thankfully I still change undies daily without grumbling, but I don't know how long that's going to last!) I attend a water aerobics class and now think that putting on a bra with damp skin should be an Olympic event!

Maybe my crabbiness is associated with the heat ... here in the 'heart' of Texas we've had temperatures in the 90s for a couple of months already! Although, I still use a light weight blanket for my afternoon naps. No ... I am really not as crabby as Maxine ... I just wish sometimes that I had the ... uh, nerve or ... bravado (bet I had you worried on that one didn't I ?) to " let 'er rip" like Max ... you know, age does have one benefit I had not appreciated ... I am an old(er) lady and therefore people usually defer to me and my age ... and my crabbiness. I am not the 'man hater' that Maxine tries to embody ... I LIKE men ... very much ... as long as they don't have that ear hair thing going on, you know, you could lose your car keys in that stuff and dirty finger nails (yuck!) or high-water pants .. or dark socks with sandals/or tennis shoes ... oh, and I don't like to see men wearing their belts up under their arm pits ... and plaid l-o-n-g shorts or wear ill fitting 'rugs' or have sparse 'comb-overs' NO ... I do like men, really ... I do ... so I am not like Maxine ... not yet!!!

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

JUST FOR TODAY

This was adapted from a 12-Step program (Alcohol Anonymous) but it speaks to all of us ...

JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality, I will correct those things I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable, I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I’ll not speak ill of others. I’ll improve my appearance, speak softly and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I’ll refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. I I’m a smoker, I’ll quit. If I’m overweight, I’ll eat healthily - if only just for today. And not only that, but I’ll also get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it’s only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

If Only ....

In the same theme of an earlier post "Might as Well Dance" ... how many "IF Only" moments have you had? I COULD have written this ..." if only"

If Only

by Judith Viorst

If only shopping at Saks counted as exercise.
If only aggravation made me thin.
If only there was a pill I could take for grace under pressure
and upper-arm definition.
If only I lost as adorably as I win.

If only having insomnia gave me courage.
If only eating chocolate made me smart.
If only there was a cloth that washed off lipstick, mascara,
eyeliner, blush, and wrinkles.
If only my breasts and my waist were farther apart.

If only going to movies lowered cholesterol.
If only constipation made me rich.
If only there was a shot that would immunize me against
impatience and feeling guilty.
If only I laughed as easily as I bitch.

If only French fried potatoes helped me remember.
If only they sometimes also helped me forget.
If only one morning I'd leap out of bed feeling ready and willing
and eager to welcome old age.
But not yet. But not yet. But not quite yet.

Might as well Dance ....

I love the philosophy of this writing ... when doing my hospice nursing, I never met a person who said that they regretted not going into the office more. This is similar in nature to "When I Am an Old Woman" (The Red Hat Society) The 'letter' is said to have been written by a 83 year old woman to a friend. Take a peek at a wise woman's thoughts ...

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries..

I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary; if it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.

I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted.

I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles.

I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was.

I'm guessing; I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.

And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God. I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.