It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time ... The Explanation

One of my 'biggest' gripes or complaints about the human race is the fact that many people ... entirely too many I think, do not take responsibility for their actions. It's always 'the other guy... the economy ... the government .... the traffic' ... you name it ... "it was THEIR fault!" I take full responsibility for climbing up on that play set and going head first down that tube slide! But let me explain a contributing factor, please or mitigating circumstances that lead me to go down that slide. I went to live with my mother and step-dad at age nine years. My step-dad was only 31 years old when he married my mother. I've told this story many times before, but I repeat it only to clarify that my mother raised FOUR children (they had a daughter when I was 11.) When they got married my mother was 3 years older than Pops chronically .... uhhhh, mentally ... well, I'm not sure about that one. Pops was/is a 'big kid' ... my friends thought it was so cool, he rode motorcycles, he built model planes, he designed unique costumes for Halloween ... he got out in the street and played ball with the whole neighborhood. He built stilts for my brother and taught us how to walk on them. He teased, he loved to embarrassed his family, he skipped 'backwards' when walking at the mall. Everything was a joke, I repeat everything!!! Even to this day, people remark that he has such a great attitude ... he is 85 and likes to say "if you aren't living on the edge, you're taking up space" Friends and family admire that at the age of 80 he took a month long motorcycle trip to Alaska, with only one other guy friend. The fact was, though, that he left my mother for one month (she was living in an Alzheimer's center) and was very well aware that he was gone.

We went to the lake almost every Friday evening during the summer and returned home late Sunday afternoons. he taught me how to water ski on one ski, to jump the ramp and ride a disc ... I did not know how to swim, though. He drove fast, he took chances.When I asked how much something was it was almost always answered with "a dollar two ninety-eight" or how far something was produced "straight-up and a mile east" The most hurtful off hand retort (and I know in my heart he didn't intend for it to hurt me) was given after I ran in the room and said "I have an idea" (wanting to take a drive ... anything to keep my mother from drinking on the weekend) Pops looked up from the paper and said "Keep it ... you may never have another one!" He was a 'pal' to my brother and me ... he was not a role model.

The Clothesline ....

I got this email the other day and it jogged a very sweet memory of my grandmother. In earlier posts I have told you that I spent several years when I was quite young with my 'Grandmother.' This was back in the late 40s and early 1950s ... OMG-osh ... I AM older than dirt!! <---- sorry Bz, it's just an 'author's literary license. Grandmother was blind, crippled with osteoporosis and in her 70s, but accomplished tasks a sighted person would not attempt. (like raising a little girl for one thing!) One of the many chores that I, as a five year old, would help with was the laundry. In her tiny kitchen (if you turned around quickly, you could meet yourself!) she filled a metal wash tub with hot, hot, water and those little blue Cheer granules that are still around today. Then she brought out the wash board ... I got to stand up on one of those yellow stools with pull-out steps, the same chair that my grandmother sat on at the table to eat her meals. Funny, now that I think about it, we HAD other chairs, but this one was hers. I would scrub a dress or undies on the board with all my little might (you've got to know, it could not have been clean by today's standards, but I guess it was better than beating the clothes on a rock!)

Grandmother often used 'bluing' on her whites ... a blue liquid from a small glass bottle with a sweet 'grandma looking woman' on the bottle ... I have long since thought she may have used it on her hair as well. The next step in this weekly ritual (almost always completed on Mondays) was wringing those clothes out as dry as possible. I had new respect for her 'chicken neck wringing' abilities or perhaps sympathy for the poor chickens ... my grandmother was a tough ole bird, herself! She would wring out the clothes as best she could and then put into another smaller wash tub and with a bag full of wooden clothes pins we headed out to the back yard and the clothesline. She ran a damp cloth up and down the line, then put it in her apron pocket ... ah, her apron ... now that's another story for another day.

I was never more proud as when she would put the clothes in a basket and let me turn the wash tub upside down so that I could reach the line and place the pins on the clothes. I loved the way the clothes always smelled. And at five, I could not have cared less about all the wrinkles ... no polyester in those days! I was often given the coveted task of bringing the clothes inside. I would make sport of tossing the pins into the canvas bag that also hung on the line.

I have one memory of the wash tub that I wish I could forget ... I left it outdoors one time, turned upside down on the side of the house ... a stage for an aspiring singer or actress ... and I forgot about it after playing. My elderly, blind, grandmother stumbled over it as she was walking around her yard one late afternoon. My married 20-something year old cousin lived in one of Grandmother's apartments took her to the hospital; it was the very first time my grandmother had ever been in the hospital. Her broken left arm had to be repaired with surgery. I can still feel the sting of my cousin's words after all this time ... he reprimanded me sternly and I was inconsolable in my shame.

When my grandmother returned home, I would help her dress each morning and undress at night. I made the coffee (no Mr. Coffee machines in those days) and our morning oatmeal. I did all sorts of chores ... trying to make up for the accident that I caused. My grandmother would praise me following every little thing that I did for her. I couldn't do enough ... she never scolded me for causing her so much pain and she was without a doubt the reason that I became a nurse.













THE BASIC RULES FOR CLOTHESLINES:

(if you don't know what clotheslines are ... better skip this part)

1. You had to wash the clothes line before hanging
any clothes- Walk the entire lengths of each line
with a damp cloth around the lines.

2. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order,
and always hang "whites" with "whites," and
hang them first.

3. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders - always
by the tail! What would the neighbors think?

4. Wash day on a Monday! . . . Never hang clothes on the weekend,
or Sunday, for Heaven's sake!

5. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could
hide your "unmentionables" in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y'know!)

6. It didn't matter if it was sub zero weather . . . Clothes would "freeze-dry."

7. Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes!
Pins left on the lines were "tacky!"

8. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that
each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins
with the next washed item.

9. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the
clothes basket, and ready to be ironed.

10. IRON?!? Well, that's a whole other subject!

TEXAS TRIVIA

This is a must read for all Texans, used-to-be Texans, adopted Texans or wanna-be Texans ... yup, we're proud of this state!!!!

Pep , Texas 79353; Smiley , Texas 78159; Paradise , Texas 76073; Rainbow , Texas 76077
Sweet Home , Texas 77987; Comfort , Texas 78013; Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun?
Sun City , Texas 78628; Sunrise , Texas 76661; Sunset, Texas 76270; Sundown, Texas 79372; Sunray , Texas 79086;
Sunny Side , Texas 77423

Want something to eat?

Bacon , Texas 76301; Noodle , Texas 79536; Oatmeal , Texas 78605; Turkey , Texas 79261;Trout , Texas 75789; Sugar Land , Texas 77479; Salty, Texas 76567; Rice , Texas 75155
Pearland , Texas 7758; Orange , Texas 77630

And top it off with:
Sweetwater , Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!
Detroit , Texas 75436 ;Cleveland , Texas 75436; Colorado City , Texas 79512;
Denver City , Texas 79323; Klondike , Texas 75448; Nevada , Texas 75173; Memphis , Texas 79245; Miami , Texas 79059; Boston , Texas 75570; Santa Fe , Texas 77517; Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861; Reno , Texas 75462; Pasadena , Texas 77506
Columbus , Texas 78934

Feel like traveling outside the country?

Athens , Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China , Texas 77613
Egypt , Texas 77436
Ireland , Texas 76538
Italy , Texas 76538
Turkey , Texas 79261
London , Texas 76854
New London , Texas 75682
Paris , Texas 75460
Palestine , Texas 75801
No need to travel to Washington D.C.
Whitehouse , Texas 75791

We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth , Texas 79031

We have a city named after our state
Texas City , Texas 77590

Exhausted?
Energy , Texas 76452
Cold?
Blanket , Texas 76432
Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?
Santa Anna , Texas
Goliad , Texas
Alamo , Texas
Gun Barrel City , Texas
Robert Lee , Texas

Need Office Supplies?
Staples, Texas 78670

Want to go into outer space?
Venus , Texas 76084
Mars , Texas 79062

You guessed it. It's on the state line.
Texline , Texas 79087

For the kids...
Kermit , Texas 79745
Elmo , Texas 75118
Nemo , Texas 76070
Tarzan , Texas 79783
Winnie , Texas 77665
Sylvester , Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas , to make you smile......
Frognot , Texas 75424
Bigfoot , Texas 78005
Hogeye , Texas 75423
Cactus , Texas 79013
Notrees , Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest , Texas 76886
Kickapoo , Texas 75763
Dime Box , Texas 77853
Old Dime Box , Texas 77853
Telephone , Texas 75488
Telegraph , Texas 76883
Whiteface , Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079

And our favorites...
Cut n Shoot, Texas
Gun Barrell City , Texas
Hoop And Holler, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas and, of course,
Muleshoe , Texas

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas ...

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work
there, you may live in Texas ;

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas ;

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a

wrong number, you may live in Texas ;

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may

live in Texas ;

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas ;

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live

in Texas ;

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both

unlocked, you may live in Texas ;

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them,

you may live in Texas

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph --you're going 80 and

everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas ;

If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Texas ;

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas

friends, you definitely live in Texas ..


Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas .

1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
2.. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
3... El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built
over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike -2008!
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first
full-time coach at Rice University in Houston .
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North
America
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only
remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a
hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20,1969, was " Houston ," but
the space center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island ..
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43' in 24
hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979...
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the
Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union ) instead
of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as
the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr
Pepper..
18. Texas has had six capital cities:
Washington -on- the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston ,Velasco, West Columbia
and Austin ...
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller
than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).
20. The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the
world and it is taller than the Washington monument.
21. The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning
friends. Tejas IS NOT Spanish for Texas ..
22. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about
the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which
splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.).
23. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .

Y'all git all that?

Please help me ...

This is an excerpt from my 'work in progress' ... Chapters of Goodbyes ... stories of my experiences while I was a Hospice nurse.

My father-in-law was a doctor in Oklahoma for over 50 years. He, himself, discovered that he had prostate cancer in the early 80’s. J. P. had a very healthy ego, but he also knew that to treat himself would be foolish, so he consulted with an oncologist promptly. Over the next six months he underwent radical surgery, radiation and chemotherapy. All this took a toll, forcing him to cut back on his patient load, as he continued to practice medicine. The cancer spread to the colon, requiring a colostomy. J.P. refused to learn how to care for the colostomy, again the head in the sand attitude. My mother-in-law became quite proficient with changing the bag, a feat that surprised even herself. It was after this last surgery and the resulting chemotherapy that he was forced to retire. On more than one occasion, he would remark how much a person would endure “for a few more days on Earth“. He was often philosophical, saying ‘one must play the cards they are dealt’. Sadly, though, he would not or could not talk about his dying with my mother-in-law. Whether he was trying to shield her, or unable or unwilling to discuss his death, we will never know. He preferred to talk about the past, and there were some wild and funny stories to tell. He had taught my mother-in-law to play golf, after she was 50 years old. They discussed shots and what she was doing wrong, watched golf on the TV for hours on end, but tuned out the rest of the world and its problems. They chose to block out any ‘unpleasantness’, be it on the evening news or a movie or the fact that J.P. was failing more each day. They could spend hours with a crossword puzzle and J.P. was quite proud that he didn’t cheat with the dictionary. He often told her that he had “saved the best for last”, referring to the fact that she was his 5th wife. They had been married 17 years when he died.

The cancer spread further to his spinal cord, he would attempt to sleep in a recliner chair, but could never really get comfortable. The oncologist was the first to mention ‘hospice’. Both of them said no, it wasn’t needed, they didn’t want strangers in their home. My mother-in-law finally allowed a nurse to visit, I think more for company than for any other reason. The nurse didn’t push hospice, she chatted with both, encouraged them to talk about themselves, made a few suggestions for his comfort. Could she return next week, always calling first to see if the day and time were convenient? My mother-in-law told me later that they initially thought hospice just meant visiting, the nurse didn’t seem to do anything else. But slowly, changes were occurring. First an aide was brought in to help with the personal care of my father-in-law three times a week. This allowed my mother-in-law a respite and, again, someone else with whom to communicate. A hospital bed was brought into the home, not only allowing him to rest more comfortably, but making it so much easier to tend to his needs. Clergy visited, social workers, some old friends, even some former patients would come to see J. P. Always, he was charming, but stoic, never letting down his guard. My mother- in-law would respect his unwillingness to talk about the future, but she began to open up to her family.

Hilda was a breath of fresh air in that house!! Hilda had been a nurse in her homeland of England, but could not practice in the states. When her husband had been transferred to Oklahoma, she volunteered her time to Hospice. She had the patience of Job to listen to all those tired tales of his youth, but the eye of a trained professional to see and hear what wasn’t being said. J.P.’s mother was in her 90’s, still living by herself, just a few minutes ride from his home. She would visit only rarely, but she talked with him on the phone daily. My mother-in-law would pick her up and no sooner had Jenny sit down beside the hospital bed, than she would announce that she needed to return to her home. My mother-in-law and I could not understand this seemingly cold behavior. Was she so self-centered that she couldn’t put herself out for a few minutes, or was she so afraid that she would break in half at seeing her only child dying. Later when J.P. was in the hospital, I made one final attempt (in a driving rainstorm) to go to her home to take her to the hospital. She wouldn’t come to the door, I had to let myself in with the spare key and then hunt for her. I found her sitting quietly in her darkened bedroom. There was no sign of emotion on her face, but her hands were in a constant twisting motion. I pleaded for her to come with me, back to the hospital, while her son was still coherent enough to know her. She refused, shaking her head so that her upper body swayed back and forth. “ I cannot go, please, no...I can’t....please, go.“ I left, furious with this old woman, angry about the rain, not understanding why a mother would not go to her son’s death bed. I was later told that Jenny had not gone to the hospital when her husband, also a doctor, died from a stroke. I wondered if she had been afraid that she might ‘catch’ something if she had gone to the hospital. While we never learned why Jenny behaved in such a manner, I was finally able to realize that this was the only coping mechanism Jenny had to buffer the loss of her beloved son. My mother-in-law tried to replace J. P.’s attentiveness to his mother, after his death. Jenny’s physical and mental health declined rapidly; she refused to let anyone stay with her and she was unable to live by herself any longer. My mother-in-law reluctantly was forced to have her admitted to a nursing home; Jenny died less than 24 hours after being admitted, her heart simply quit beating, she no longer had her son or the will to live.

When I returned to the hospital without Jenny, J.P. only smiled at me. While my mother-in-law, The Duck and I stood around his hospital bed, confused and frustrated, J. P. seemed to understand and accept his mother’s absence. My father-in-law was too weak to speak, slipping in and out of consciousness. One of the last forms of communication was when he pointed to the wrist watch on my husband’s wrist and smiled broadly. Several weeks earlier, J.P. had given the watch to his step-son; he was so proud of his wife’s son and wanted him to have his prized watch. He lifted his right hand slightly from the bed and gave the “O-K” sign. My mother-in-law broke down in tears, exhausted from the previous nights. J.P. had been so restless, unable to sleep and seemingly uncomfortable. She talked with the nurse and doctor; both assured her that he could be made comfortable enough to stay at home and die. She never confided in us about her decision to have him admitted to the hospital to die. Several months earlier she had told us that J. P. wanted to stay home. Ironically, 7 years later my mother-in-law requested that she be allowed to stay at home as she was dying from lung cancer. With the help of hospice and with her family at her side, she died peacefully in her own bedroom.

My husband took his mother home that first evening, as I had agreed to stay with J.P. at the hospital. He lay quietly in the hospital bed, comfortable with the medication being infused slowing through the IV. The oxygen tube hissed ever so softly, and his catheter tube showed only a few droplets of urine. I had tired of reading and felt the television might be an intrusion to his rest. The nurses checked his vital signs routinely, as well as the fluids he was receiving. Only when they disturbed him, turning him or raising his arm for the blood pressure cuff, would he flutter his eyes open slightly and moan. In the wee hours of the morning, as I lay my head on my hands on the side of his bed, I thought I heard a noise. I opened my eyes and realized that I had fallen asleep, his huge hand was resting on my elbow. I heard the noise again, it was his voice, muffled and slurred, but definitely repeating over and over “ Please help me....help me....Please help me!” I raised my head and looked into his blue eyes, the dim lighting only magnified his gaunt facial features. “J.P. , it’s Sandy, what do you need? Are you in pain, how can I help you?” His eyes filled with tears, his hands picked restlessly at the linen and one last time he asked me, “Please help me”. In my heart I knew he was asking for help to leave this world, how he thought I could help him to die I can only imagine. I took his hand, so cold and lifeless and yet still so large in mine, and pressed it to my wet cheek. “ I will help you, please close your eyes and rest now.” I closed my eyes and prayed that he would be released from his pain and his tired body soon. I went out into the hall and summoned a nurse to give him some pain medication. Together, the nurse and I freshened his mouth, repositioned his body in the bed and tried to make him comfortable. J.P. did not open his eyes or speak again. My mother-in-law and husband visited the next day, both were aware of the changes and knew that death was near. I argued that I should stay again that evening, but both were insistent that I come home to rest. It was my mother’s birthday, June 8th, we went by her home to have cake and celebrate both her birthday and the birth of my brother’s daughter the day before. I fell into a fitful sleep that night at my mother-in-law’s home. I continued to hear my father-in-law's raspy plea “Please help me”. My eyes were wet with tears when the telephone woke us at 4 am. We could not hear what my mother-in-law was saying, but we heard her soft sobs as she hung up the phone. He was at last free from his pain, having died shortly before the doctor had called. For many years I regretted that I had not been there with him. I felt he had died alone and that was so sad. Only after working with so many hospice patients do I now feel that J.P. was not alone, perhaps he felt his mother was sitting there with him, perhaps his dad, too, helping him to ‘cross over’. I have had it repeated so many times, “Those that are suppose to be there, will be there.” The only thing I could do for him was pray for peace, to try and make him comfortable, and to let him know that he was loved. And in that manner, I was able to answer his plea.

A Light of Comfort in the Darkness

The word Hospice has been around since medieval times; it was the name given to a place of rest for weary travelers; a refuge for pilgrims during the crusades. Today, hospice refers to a very special type of treatment for those in the final stages of life. It is no longer a place, but a philosophy and a style of care. At the beginning of the 20th century, more than 80 percent of Americans died at home in familiar surroundings and cared for by family and friends. Today, four out of five die in a hospital intensive care bed, attended by professional strangers. It has been estimated that more than 2/3 of the Medicare annual budget is expended during the last six months of life. The reasons for this profound shift in the manner and methods by which we have chosen to die are numerous, but most of us know, all too personally, that the costs are staggering. In the 1980’s, when I first worked with hospice, costs for the hospice in the home were approximately $72/day, while a hospital room could run close to $1000/day or much higher if in an intensive care unit. The National Hospice Association stated in 1998 that the daily cost for Medicare for skilled nursing home care was $426 versus $111 for hospice. About 90% of hospice care is based in the home. Hospice care, also, is provided in hospitals, nursing homes and other long term care facilities.

A new wave of awareness began at last to change from our society’s death-denying beliefs into some positive ways. Pioneers such as Dr. Cicely Saunders (St. Christopher’s Hospice, July 1967 in London) and Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross(in 1979, New Haven, Connecticut Hospice, Inc.) have brought the subject of dying into the open and have helped us to learn more about death and dying. In February, 1998, the first patient was admitted to Hospice Austin’s Christopher House, the only inpatient hospice facility in Central Texas at that time.

The patient needing hospice care may be recommended by a physician, a friend, or a family member. A physician must make a written referral to the hospice. Life expectancy is limited to approximately six months. This time is not chiseled in stone ... it is an estimate, if the disease continues to progress along it’s natural course, death is likely to be six months or less. One of the other requirements is having a primary caregiver in the home to assist the patient 24 hours a day.

I have been witness to the remarkable kindness of people responding to those who thought they lacked family or friends for the necessary 24 hour assistance. In one instance, an elderly gentleman lived alone above a hardware store. The entire 28 person staff of the store took turns staying with him, 24 hours a day, so he could be in the hospice program.

Another example was a 79 year old sister staying with her dying 73 year old “kid sister.” They spoke of two church groups mobilizing into four hour shifts to keep the patient(s) attended, calling it “a labor of love.”

One of the most outstanding stories, though, was about a man who lacked 11 days for full insurance coverage, including death benefits, at his place of employment. Because of regulations, he had to be on-site physically to earn the coverage. His co-workers loaded him into a hospital bed-equipped van each day and took turns caring for him while he remained in the van, on-site for the necessary 11 days.

While many think of hospice as a ‘place’, it is truly a philosophy, a way of thinking. The Hospice focus is palliative or comfort oriented, rather than curative. Hospice could be compared to a three legged stool .... Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual ... without any one ‘leg’ the stool tumbles. Hospice is composed of a unique team of professionals; the doctors, nurses, social workers, Clergy, Bereavement Care Coordinator, home health aides, and perhaps, more important than any other, the Volunteers ... they are the back bone of this concept ... they are it’s life line.

The rewards of volunteering go beyond the pleasure of helping others. Giving time and effort promotes a sense of emotional and spiritual well being. A great sense of satisfaction can come from making a positive impact in the lives of those who are dealing with the profound issues associated with a terminal illness.

Volunteers offer emotional support and practical assistance to the patients and families, usually in the patient’s home. Duties can include helping with activities of daily living, sitting with the patient, providing reassurance or companionship for patients and families and being an attentive and sympathetic listener.

What does one say to someone who is terminally ill or to the wife or father of a dying person? What phrases could possibly be a match for the enormity of such pain and loss? What can you say? “I’m so sorry” ... not “I know how you must feel” for you truly don’t know exactly how that person feels ... but with just a simple “I’m sorry” you have shared your feelings, you have opened a door. Dying can be very lonely, if you can’t share your feelings. Let “them” tell you what they want you to know. To listen, to be there, to accept ---that is the emotional first aid we can offer each other when bad times comes.

The point of visiting is not, of course, to dump your own troubles at the patient and his family’s feet, anymore that it is to match stories of sickness and suffering. But you can listen for cues. And if the person seems to want to explore deeper water and you are courageous enough to follow, it can be a time of intimacy and trust that is incomparable. To convey love and warmth and respect is the most valuable kind of emotional support. Your presence alone does that, so don’t let worries about what to say keep you away. The one gift only you can bring is yourself.

After a person has died, your thoughts turn to what you can do for the survivors. Again, the answer is much the same; Be there for them. Listen to them. Accept their grief. Do call. Do go. Do reach out. Don’t be put off by the thought that you won’t know what to say. To bring emotional support to someone in crisis requires only this: Be loving. Be there.

When I heard the words "History is made up of what we do and record now," I immediately thought about Legacy tapes ... We often helped patients record a verbal history for their families. My daughter states that she treasures the hand written journal that her grandmother gave her six years ago, before the Alzheimer’s robbed my mother of those memories. Writing my own life history is something that I’ve started, with the help of a wonderful book by Bob Greene “TO OUR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN - Preserving Family Histories for Generations to Come.”

The following quote came from the National Hospice Association : "Death is not the ultimate tragedy of life. The ultimate tragedy is the depersonalization- dying in an alien and sterile area, separated from the spiritual nourishment that comes from being able to reach out to a living hand, separated from a desire to experience the things that make life worth living, separated from hope."

Hospice is many things, but especially HOPE. Hope is not pretending that troubles don’t exist ... It is the trust that they will not last forever, that hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome. It is faith that a source of strength and renewal lies within to lead us through the dark to the sunshine ....

The Duck .... Revisited

I posted some 'wise-quacks' from this little blue feathered fellow about a year ago. I've always found him to be 'on the mark' (you know, no sugar coating, straight from the beak .. or the bill!)... of course, to be honest, I have a thing for Ducks ... well, one duck ... MY tall, handsome duck specifically. I'm over in Grandmaville ... little time to post or visit in Blogville ... so I'm just waddling through for a few minutes.

MENOPAUSE

The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause


Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho

The duck has a 'theory' about women and menopause ... he says women don't go 'through' menopause ... "they go into it and never come back out!"




Another way to view earthly life - God gave us a sense

of humor and this is a good time to exercise it.

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember....

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's

called ........ 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just

cleaned the whole house.

9 My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blond said, 'I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved

when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.'

11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

So Saith the Duck ...

This is not MY " Duck" ... although he is very cute, The Duck is a tad taller ... and he has blue eyes .. and the feet .. I know for a fact that MY duck has more than three toes ..... and I don't think their are webbed ....

This one is for the "Girls"

Lord, if you won't make me skinny, please make my friends fat!!

I belong to a very special class ... I am one of those " 55 and Better year old" Women! I treasure my group of 'girl friends' ... my 'sisters' in support hose ... my comrades in capri pants ... my cronies with cellulite ... my compagnon de voyage (A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!")

The Duck has a theory about why women tend to outlive men ... he says it's because women usually have a 'network' of support (aka "girlfriends.") an emotional life line that men do not enjoy. Women form bonds with each other , they 'do lunch', they email 'forwards' when they don't have time to write, they call to check on each other, they send funny little cards to let you know they are thinking of you, they go to 'chick flicks' together, they take "girls gone wild" road trips to Colorado, they share painful memories of growing up, they cry with each other and they laugh until their sides ache (or they have to change their undies!) they 'defend' each other, prop up each other, support each other and even if they are not able to be together often, they continue to love each other.

I prefer to be around women who are positive ... not some one that brings you down. There is enough sadness in this world, I don't need to dwell in that place. Perhaps this is a 'Polly-Anna' attitude ... so be it. My friends ... my really close friends ... tend to be more up-beat, laughter is a huge component in our little 'circle.' Yet, when something is serious ... if there is an illness or some difficulty, we feel safe with each other to reach out for help, be it an 'ear' to let us vent or a shoulder to lean on. I had THREE rotator cuff surgeries within six months last year. My arm was in a sling for what seemed like 'forty-forevers.' (it was my right shoulder and, of course, I'm right handed!) My friends brought food, flowers, movies, they offered to clean the house, to help me shower and shampoo ... but more importantly, they offered their time ... themselves. That is priceless.

I recently had a birthday luncheon for a dear friend at my home. There were five of us ... the table was set with fine linen, crystal, china, the 'good' sterling and fresh flowers. Everyone enjoyed several different, delicious salads, yummy breads, Mimosas, wine and we finished off the celebration with not only the birthday girl's favorite Key Lime Pie but her chocolate 'fix' of Frosted Brownies. The Duck made himself scarce for several hours after lamenting that it seemed like a lot of trouble for a "lunch." I explained that it was not just a 'lunch' ... it was a 'Luncheon.' Everyone at that table has in fact done the same thing for the rest of us. Yes, it was special ... it took some effort, but you do things like that for your friends. On that day, we did not discuss the current economy crisis, although one friend's husband is getting his 'pink slip' soon, we did not find a cure for cancer, although one dear friend has chronic leukemia, we did not talk about the heartbreaking effects of Alzheimer's disease, although one friend's husband will need to be placed in a safer environment very soon, we did not fret about our grandchildren, although my thoughts were never far from thinking of my daughter's pregnancy. So what did we talk about ... what did we do ... I do not remember specifics ... I remember only that we laughed and joked and reveled in the delicious foods and the very special company of each dear friend.

Things I learned living in Texas

Number 11 is the only one that this transplanted 'Okie' doesn't follow!!!! # 17 and # 18
are "absolutes" !!!!


1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas . (and I DON'T LIKE A ONE OF 'EM!!)

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas .
(YUP!!! A LITTLE EASIER TO KILL) This one is for Tatersmama's take on things

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

7. "Jaw-P?" means, "Did y'all go to the bathroom?

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. "Fixinto" is one word.

10. There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. We do
like a little tea with our sugar.

12. Backwards and forwards means, "I know everything about you.."

13. The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work
until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.

16. "No. Jew?" is a common response to the question, "Did you bring any beer?"

17. You measure distance in minutes.

18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

20. You know what a "DAWG" is.

21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.

22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.

23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require
6 pages for local gossip and high school football..

24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm."

26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer,
still summer, and Christmas.

27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally World."

28.. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good stew weather.

29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

30. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.

PONDERISMS

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are

removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out

of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of

natural causes.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a

replacement.

Never take life seriously Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals

dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no

one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention

to criticism.

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world

is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to

start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these

dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the

next thing that come outta its butt.

"Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,

but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Martha vs. Maxine ....

With encouragement from Jennifer (0f Lucas*Jennifer*Noah fame) I decided to continue offering some tidbits of advice ... and I don't want my 'butt' to fall off! :>)

Martha says: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Maxine says: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the

couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

Martha says: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Maxine says: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha says: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any

white mess on the outside of the cake.

Maxine says: Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!


Martha says: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt

for an instant 'fix-me-up.'

Maxine says: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made

it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'

Martha says: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Maxine says: Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha says: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Maxine says: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.

Martha says: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Maxine says: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

Martha says: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes

opening jars easy.

Maxine says: Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha says: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Maxine says: Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!

Lastly, if you don't forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew and your butt will

fall off.

Really.... It's true! Have I ever lied to you?????

25 Proverbs to a Healthier Life

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. A kitchen should be clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

Grandma saw a Chicken!!!

I believe it would be accurate to say that I have a short attention span. I’m not particularly proud of this flaw; I don’t think it has been a deterrent over the years, though … well, hopefully not too much! I get sleepy while driving if I’m using ‘cruise control’ and if I don’t have someone to talk to while I’m driving (we’re talking long trips here) you might as well hang it up; I slap myself, turn the air conditioner on high directed right at me ... it’s bad … very bad!!!! I cannot sit and watch a movie on the television without having at least a couple catalogs to scan at the same time. I start telling a story and lose my listener (or reader) as I wander off down another path or two … before I can get back to the original thought. (This one sends The Duck and Bz up the wall!!!)

I will start one project ... (just for grins … let’s say I’m emptying the dishwasher) let the madness begin: When I remove the coffee carafe from the dishwasher I decide to fill the coffee maker with water and set it up for our afternoon treat. When I’m getting the coffee from the cupboard, I notice that the trash container is almost over flowing … so I take the plastic bag out of the container, pull the red drawstrings on the bag and turn to take it out to the garage … it’s then that I notice there is only one or two more bags left in the box, so I put the bag down, go over to the counter and write ‘trash bags’ on my shopping list. While I’m at the counter, I realize that I haven’t taken my morning vitamins (the cabinet with the pills is right above the counter with the shopping list.) I pour my medications into my hand (this is often one of the only ways I know which day it is … it’s a week at a glance pill container) I open yet another cabinet to get a glass, and then head over to the refrigerator to get some ice cubes. I fill the glass with ice cubes, and sit the glass down so I can open the refrigerator to get some of my Sun Tea, but there isn’t really enough tea to take with the medication. I put the pills down on the center island, go to the sink, rinse out the tea jug, fill it with water, bring it back to the cabinet, go to the pantry, take the tea bags out of the boxes … put them in the water. I carry the jug out to the deck to sit on the railing in our beautiful Texas sun, it’s then that I notice the hummingbird feeders are empty as one unruly Rufus dive bombs me. I leave the tea jug on the railing, come back into the house to get the small step stool (in the pantry) to take back out to the deck to get the three feeders down. When bending over to pick up the stool, I again see the box of trash bags and remember to take one out … when straightening up, though, I spy the canister of sugar and knowing that I’ll need the sugar to make the hummingbird solution, I throw the bag on the trash container, take the sugar over to the sink and sit it down. I attempt to open the cabinet next to the dishwasher to get the 8-cup measuring glass, but have to close the dishwasher door first. I close the door, rise up and bump my head on the cabinet door that I have left open where I got my glass … the same glass that’s over on the counter with the melting ice cubes, next to the medications that I still have not taken and the tea bags that I haven’t put up. I stand there totally confused surveying the scene … pantry door left open, trash bag in middle of pantry floor, new trash bag hanging on edge of trash container. The sugar canister is on the other side of the kitchen next to the sink … the hummingbird feeders are still out hanging from the lattice covering on the deck, the stool is still in the pantry; the back door has been left open (I am now air-conditioning the deck it seems) so I head towards the back door, but turn when I remember that I still need the stool. I view this small detail of remembering the stool as a victory) I actually pick up the stool, scoot the trash bag out from the pantry with my foot; positioning it in front of the refrigerator … close the pantry door (forgetting to put the new plastic bag in the trash container) I take the stool outside, stretch to get the feeders down, using ‘the lazy man’s load’ (my mother’s saying) I clutch all three feeders to myself and take them back inside. I have managed to spill some of the sugary water on my shirt, but more importantly I’ve dripped a sticky path from the back door to the kitchen sink. Deciding that I have ‘nothing to lose now’ I make up the sugar solution in the 8-cup measuring glass and turn to the center island in the kitchen, open the end drawer and fetch the funnel. I pour almost as much of the liquid in the sink as I manage to get in the bottles. I carefully take each feeder back outside, one at a time, but still manage to spill some of the solution on the floor once again. I come back inside, my feet sticking to the floor, so I go to the utility room (down a hallway) to get the mop. It should be noted that (1) the stool is still outside, (2) the trash container does not have a trash bag in it, (3) I have not taken my pills and (4) the tea is now very strong!!!

I will stop at this point, I feel certain that you get the picture. I have a difficult time staying on focus! Oh, by the way … several hours later when the Duck asks if I’d start the coffeemaker, I have to go to the dishwasher to get the basket. (The clean dishes have not been put away yet.) He asks this of me while he takes the trash bag out to the garage, careful not to trip over the bucket and mop leaning up against the utility room door.

My family does not seem to appreciate one of my tee shirt, which reads, “They say I have A.D. D. but they don’t understand … Oh, look ... a Chicken

Colonoscopy Journal

In recognition of April 15th ... TAX DAY !!!

The Duck is having a colonoscopy on Monday ... no problems, just time for an 'ole look & see' ... to his credit, he actually laughed when reading this piece by Dave Barry ... butt (pun intended!) it was the comments made by actual patients that had him rolling in the floor.

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner..

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy' s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.

In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.


ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.' (my personal favorite)

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'


And the best one of all.


13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

Children's Science Exam

This has been around the block a few times ... but I thought it was good for a giggle or two ...

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED Caveats: NONE

Children's Science Exam

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers...

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep
and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon,
because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in
this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
(The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The
brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains
the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section.'
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.