Amazing Grace ...

 I cannot listen to this video without tears and chill bumps ... memories spill over me ... memories are the legacy of love. Angels whisper hope and comfort ... gone, but never forgotten.

http://www.clarrissegill.com:80/videoclips/amazing_grace.php

Emotions ... Anger ... Fear ... Sadness ... Pain ... Sleeplessness

I wrote the following post twelve days ago ... I'm now three weeks post-op my shoulder surgery. I got two comments on my last post that touched my heart. Tatersmama's take on things and my sweet The Mosquitoes Buzz both helped me to understand that 'this bloggin' thang' doesn't need to "forced" ... it isn't to entertain others ... it's for ME! It's an opportunity to put my feelings (no matter how scary, silly, or absurd) into words. I've been living with a ghost for five years now ... the memories of my mother. I could write all the 'nasty' stuff that happened years ago, but why? It does not change things ... what does change is how I choose to live with those memories. Being 'out of commission' with this surgery and being so dependent on The Duck for even the smallest thing has allowed me to 'wallow' in some "big time self-pity". Soooo ... today things are better, nope, things are GREAT ... and I feel that way not because of some little pill ... this is from my heart, TM, and thank you! I have so many blessings. My family, especially The Duck ... my special relationship with my daughter ... my grandchildren! ... my friends, both here and in Blogville. So read the following drivel if you want ... but know this life is far too short to spend too much time on the 'pity potty.'

I've written this post several times ... in my mind. Tomorrow will be ten days since my latest surgery ... total repair of my rotator cuff with torn bicep repair of left shoulder. This is my fifth surgery in a little over two years. Several months ago a friend joked that I must be "addicted to surgery" when I told her that I was taking cortisone injections to hopes of avoiding surgery on my left shoulder. I am almost helpless ... I cannot put on my clothes without help, I cannot dry myself after showering, I cannot reach the dishes on the second shelf ... I fear taking the strong drugs prescribed for the deep bone pain more than I fear the actual pain. My mother (with whom I shared so many 'faults' and/or likenesses) battled addictions and mental illness all her life ... I look into a mirror and see her sad face looking back at me. I AM stronger than she was, I AM more aware of my 'frailties', I have stronger SUPPORT and LOVE given to me ... and yet when I'm alone, when I'm hurting, when I'm so weary, I see her face and I wonder if I will ever be free of all the self loathing and self doubt.

I usually make jokes when writing, I attempt to turn an ordinary happening into a clever, comic skit. Not tonight ... I must sleep with my arm in a sling/brace ... for six weeks. I normally sleep on my left side, I try sleeping on my right side, but the three shoulder surgeries on that side make it difficult ... and my left arm needs to be supported or else it feels like it's being pulled out of the socket. That leaves sleeping on my back (I had a lumbar fusion surgery 8 months ago) It's difficult to sleep on my back because my left shoulder again feels likes it's being pulled. IT IS DIFFICULT TO SLEEP ... ah, sooooo take a little yellow tablet, let it help you sleep .... NO, I abused that little pill thirty years ago ... I'll tough it out. I'm off the 'strong stuff' for pain ... the doctor says "wow, you're ahead of the curve" I don't feel ahead of anything ... I'm hurting, I can't sleep,

Breakfast with Pops ...

My sister sent this lovely photo of Pops (her dad, my step-father) taken at the local donut shop where they have breakfast every Tuesday morning. Tongue in cheek, she remarked that he was "so happy" I couldn't help but think of another 'grumpy' soul (besides Walter Matthau) when I looked at Pop's face ...

I was reminded of this cheerful little fellow ----->

Is it just me or do you, also, see the similarity?

What is it about men becoming curmudgeons as they grow older? And is that a fair statement/question?

I don't have any rebuttal on either issue ... and I'm not going to even start trying to defend what we old(er) women are called!

For the record, Pops will be 86 in November. He goes dancing with his "younger" (in her 70s) lady friend twice a week. At age 80 he rode a motorcycle from Oklahoma to Point Barrow, Alaska, with a 50-something fellow, taking a month to complete the trip there ... and back!

When he married my mother in 1955, he was 31 years old and owned two motorcycles. He bought a car and moved to Oklahoma the same week he married 'us.' He was fond of telling people he only married Mother because of her two kids. His older brother used to say "he was lazy and got a ready-made family." While dating my mother, the four of us loaded up on one motorcycle, with a picnic basket on the tank and went to a park one afternoon. A cop stopped him ... and when he learned that Pops didn't have a car and was taking his 'family' to the park .... the cop escorted us!

Pops was ecstatic when his daughter was born two years after they married. And yet he introduced my brother and myself as his children ... there was NEVER any distinction between his biological child and his 'step' children. Mother used to say she had 4 children ... our friends used to come to the door and ask if Pops could come out and play. He hang-glided, he built model airplanes, he constructed the best Halloween costumes, he worked hard to provide for his family, he took my mother all over Europe on a motorcycle, he scuba-dived, he danced, especially the 'Jitter Bug,' like a pro. He won over my formidable grandmother, no small feat! My mother loved him until the day she died ... one month before their 50th anniversary.

He escorted me down the aisle to be married in 1965 ... in a 'stage' whisper loud enough that the guests in the back rows heard it, he emotionally told me "Honey, if this doesn't work out, you can always come home!" He now argues that The Duck and I have only stayed together for 45 years to 'spite him!' He is a curmudgeon ... with a heart of gold. Maybe grumpy, certainly ornery, and my "Pops."

The Good Ole Days ....

This is a bit long, I know ... maybe it's because of my recent post about "It Was a Different World" ... or perhaps I'm just feeling my age (note: the word OLD was not used here) but I decided to use this for a posting. This poem was a recent email from an 'older' friend, actually she's going to turn 91 years young in a few months. The very funny thing about her email, though, is the fact that this same friend sent a broadcast note out stating she was invoking a moratorium on all emails that were about 'getting older,' being a better patriot, anything political and finally this 'daughter of a Baptist preacher' asked for no more emails concerning religion! As we 'ladies' of the genteel South are fond of saying ... "The poor darlin,'... bless her little 'yellow dog' heart ... maybe aye oughta give her a ring ... Aye know her computer must be very lonely and forgotten how to work!!!"












Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,












For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.











We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn.









We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.














We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee'
And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me.









Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.














And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me.














We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie, they never made it twice.











We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three,
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me.












Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.















We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T,
And Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.











For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me.









We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson , and Zeppelins were not Led.













And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees,
Madonna was Mary in the Land That Made Me, Me.












We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed, but they were not grown in jars.











And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never co-ed in the Land That Made Me, Me.















We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.












And hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me.











Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks.











And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,
And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me.












We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues,
We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea
Or prime-time ads for those dysfunctions in
the Land That Made Me, Me.











There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda , and cats were not called Bill.









And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three,
And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me.














But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say,
And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A.
They send us invitations to join AARP,
We've come a long way, baby, from
the Land That Made Me, Me.












So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines.
And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me.












AND NOW: For those of you too young to
remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents!!!
And thanks for the memories............


Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folks

August 06, 1965 - 2009

On a hot, humid, Friday evening in August of 1965 at 7:00 PM in Tulsa, Oklahoma, The Duck and I exchanged our marriage vows in front of our families and friends.

We had been engaged for six months ... The Duck's mom was fond of saying that the engagement was about six months too long! The timing of the wedding was between The Duck's summer classes and the start of his senior year at The University of Tulsa . Because both of us were working full time as well, the only time we actually dated during the engagement was Sunday mornings, when we attended church and then had breakfast at some restaurant.

I imagine that all couples have funny stories about their wedding day ... mine is about my sweet, ole, goofy step-dad. 'Pops' is not a formal, suit and tie type of guy (and remains so today at 85 years of age!!) Weddings were probably the only time that he ever wore a tuxedo. Even his own wedding to my mother in 1955, he wore a light blue suit and looked very uncomfortable. This is a man who didn't own a car until he met my mother (who had two young children) He tells everyone that he only married her because of the two of us children. He sold two motorcycles to buy a car so we could move to Oklahoma and he could start work at American Airlines ... but I digress.

To say 'Pops' was nervous on that Friday evening is an understatement ... the Episcopal church in 1965 was very formal, women wore head coverings, there was a great deal of kneeling as well. In fact, my blind grandmother could be heard asking during the ceremony "do I have to kneel again??" The music had started, everyone was seated ... my groom and his best man were standing up at the altar ... the aisle looked like it was a mile at least from the back entrance where Pops and I stood. He was shaking like the quakies in Colorado (they are young aspen trees) as I slipped my arm in his arm. In a 'stage whisper' that could be heard in the nosebleed section of an amphitheater ... Pops leaned over and told me "Honey, if this doesn't work out, you know you can always come home!" I couldn't help myself, I laughed out loud when I looked at the people's faces as I walked toward The Duck.
I know that people worried about us ... The Duck and I were so young and had completely different personalities. Today when I tease Pops about what he told me as I was about to marry this special young man, Pops says "you're just staying together to 'spite' me!"

Forty-four years ago I had no idea what a 'wild ride' we had ahead of us ... there have been some bumps in the road, but we've never been derailed. My love for The Duck is stronger today than ever. One of The Duck's favorite sayings is " The trip is the destination." My dearest husband, I thank God for your love each day. I cherish the memories, I treasure each day and look forward to so many more together. I found compassion in your eyes, comfort in your arms and eternal love in your heart. I love you!!!

It Was a Different World ....

On the right is a photo of my beloved GRANDMOTHER .... (she did not care to be called Grandma!) The year is 1967, she's holding our six month old son.

Grandmother in her old green
rocker in the living room of her
apartment. She owned the apartment
house from 1924 until her death in 1974.

While driving home from my daughter's home (after taking care of my granddaughter while Momma went to the doctor) I got to thinking about all the 'new' things/technical gadgets that my children and grandchildren take for granted. As I wandered down memory lane I had to marvel about my elderly grandmother. I lived with her between 1949 to 1955. She was totally blind by the time I was born, today she would have most likely been diagnosed with glaucoma. She started losing her sight around the time my mother was born. (1921) She was 91 years old when she died in 1974.

Can you imagine all of things that she was 'witness' to in her life time? She was born in 1883 in the same house as her mother in Gateway, Arkansas. She had traveled across Arkansas and Missouri in a covered wagon. She had been widowed twice, she had three children. She owned a two story 'apartment' house during the Depression. There were four apartments, she lived downstairs on the right side. She died in that same apartment one April morning after having breakfast. She told my aunt she was tired and thought she would 'rest a bit.' She lived to 'see' me married and know my two children. For that I am truly thankful. She lived to hear about man walking on the moon ... and she didn't even entertain the thought that it was a 'phony Hollywood stunt'.

1946 the start of the baby boom

Average Cost of new house $5,600.00
Cost of a gallon of Gas 15 cents
Average Cost of a new car $1,120.00
Worlds First Electric Blanket $39.50

I was born in 1946; my parents divorced in 1950 when I was three years old. My mother moved into an upstairs apartment in my grandmother's house. I lived with my grandmother from the age of 3 until my mother remarried in 1955. When I was around 5 years old I have a vivid memory of milk being delivered to the backdoor by a milk 'lady' who had a wagon drawn by a horse. She would drive along the alleys behind our houses, the same alleys that allowed one to drive their cars into the detached garages. I worried myself sick wondering about that poor horse when she turned up one day with a milk 'truck' ... I was finally told the horse had been retired to a pasture and was doing fine. I still harbored thoughts that the horse had gone to the 'glue factory' ... thanks to a neighborhood bully!! "Zoe" would holler "Hammers" (my grandmother's last name) as she placed two bottles of whole milk inside the back door.

Bucky Covington (from American Idol) recorded a song two years ago entitled "A Different World" ... it, too, reminded me of all the changes that I've seen since I was born in 1946. The song begins with "We were born to mothers who smoked and drank; Our cribs were covered in lead-based paint; No childproof lids; No seat belts in cars; Rode bikes with no helmets and still here we are." All those things are quite true.

No bottled water ... We'd drink from a garden hose ... And every Sunday, all the stores were closed.

School always started with the pledge of allegiance, and there was prayer.
The school year started AFTER Labor Day and ended before Memorial Day. We had a week off usually at Christmas, there was no Spring Break.

I didn't go to kindergarten and YES I did walk to school (about three blocks) I can still see my first grade teacher ... and feel her ruler as she popped by knuckles for talking!!





This is my dad standing next to a 'Cream Green' 1948 Oldsmobile, my 'older' brother remembers many a trip from Joplin (Missouri) to Kansas City in this car. I was only two years old. The cost of a gallon of gas was 16 cents in 1948. In 1957 a gallon of gasoline cost 24 cents. In 1965 gas was .18 to .21 per gallon. Today (depending on where you go) regular unleaded is 'around' $2.40 a gallon.


We used a 'wash board' at my grandmother's place. There were wringer washing machines in the 50s and more than once fingers got caught in that wringer, too. My mother didn't get a washing machine until 1957 when she had my sister. A few years later my grandmother bought us a dishwasher ... you had to roll it over to the sink, hook the hoses up to the faucet and then you could not use the sink/water faucets for an hour.





My mother had one of the first black and white televisions in Joplin, Missouri.
It got three stations, actually 2 1/2 as one was so 'snowy' it was
difficult to pick up. There was no remote control, had to get up
and change that channel. I remember an our black kitty pouncing
on the small screen when she saw a 'stick mouse' run across the screen.
That was also my first introduction to classical music ... those black and white
cartoons were beautifully orchestrated.My grandmother was so excited when the old phone on the wall was replaced with one like this on the right. We were on a party line, she counted the numbers off with her fingers in the rotary dial when calling her 'bird' friends. She raised singing Canaries as well as keeping African Violets. I remember her telephone number! MA4 (Mayfair) 9864 ... WOW








I would walk to Bailey's Grocery for my grandmother. The store was only two blocks over, but I had to walk past the Dudley's house. They had a huge German Shepherd; I didn't have any pets, so one day I slipped my hand through the fence to pet it ... I have a scar today on my right hand where the dog took a chunk out of it. (I was 5 ... yes, walking to the store at 5 years old!) It wasn't until my daughter adopted her sweet German Shepherd, Dandy, that I overcame my fear of large dogs. Mr. Bailey lived across from my grandmother. He knew that Grandmother was very frugal and not given to having 'treats' about the house. When I would start back home with the groceries, Mr. Bailey would instruct me to pick a piece of candy out of one of the glass containers marked "Penny Candy."

I walked about 8-10 blocks (by myself) on Saturdays to see the matinee at the one and only movie theater; the ticket was only 50 cents ... there was always a continuing serial and two cartoons before the movie. I got popcorn and a coke for another 50 cents. I saw my first 3-D movie in Joplin, using money that a 'boyfriend' of my mother's had given me to leave the house.




Minimum Hourly Rate $1.00
Average Cost of a new car $1,900.00;
Cost of a gallon of Gas 23 cents

Ladies Swim Suits $12.95;
Black and White TV $99.95There was no air conditioning; children were made to come in each afternoon
in the summer because of the Polio scare. We would lay on a 'pallet' (of blankets) in front of an oscillating fan.










My folks bought a brand new house in 1957 in Tulsa, Oklahoma. We had 3 bedrooms, one bath, single car garage ... it was about 1,050 sq. ft. and cost a whopping $11,000. We thought we were living in 'high cotton.' We had an attic fan to keep us cool. More than once my brother and I would lie in the front yard and watch tornado funnels form and move across the skies. At other times we would help fill sandbags to help prevent the Arkansas River from flooding over it's banks.

In 1957 a loaf of bread cost 19 cents ... it's anywhere from $1.09 - 3.29 today. A gallon of milk was 80 cents in 1957, today it can cost $3.39 to $4.00 a gallon. The neighborhood grocery store had a delivery boy, who brought your groceries to your door. It was quite common to run a 'tab' at the store.

No 'instant' foods ... very few 'fast food' places ... TV dinners were starting to show up in the freezer department of the grocery stores. Of course, obesity wasn't the epidemic it is today, either.



Average Cost of new house $12,220.00; Average Yearly Wages $4.550.00 ; Cost of a gallon of Gas 24 cents; Bacon per pound 60 cents; Eggs per dozen
28 cents

HI FI Portable Record Player $79.95





First Class Stamp in 1946 was 3 cents. In 1965 the cost was 5 cents. In 1969 it was
6 cents. In 2000 the cost of a First Class Stamp was 33 cents
and today's it's 44 cents.


No CDs, I-pods or MP3 gadgets ... in the 1950s-60s we played our 45 RPM records on record players that you had to place the needle in the right groove.

I was never a big fan of the Beatles ... I loved Neil Diamond, the Eagles and Simon and Garfunkel.












I was sitting in 4th hour Algebra (it was my Senior year of high school) when our principal announced that JFK had been assassinated. I rode the bus home, no one was talking. We just sat there in stunned silence.


The image of young John-John saluting his father's casket as it passed before him is forever in my memories of the 1960s.

We watched Nixon lose a debate to Kennedy and then in despair over four days, watched Kennedy assassinated and buried.


The Duck and I went to the same high school, he was 2 years ahead of me. While we knew each other, we never dated in high school. We had our 'first' official date during my Christmas break from the University of Oklahoma in 1964. He proposed the week before Valentine's Day and we were married in 1965. We'll be celebrating our 44th anniversary on the 6th of August. The Duck had a 1960 white Chevy Impala, similar to this one ... NO AIR CONDITIONER IN AUGUST IN OKLAHOMA. We honeymooned in HOT Springs, Arkansas, thankfully the motel room had air conditioning. The Duck's mother gave him a $50 bill for us to enjoy a special dinner together. We had steaks with all the trimmings, wine AND money left over.


Average Income per year $6,450.00; Gas per Gallon 31 cents
Average Cost of a new car $2,650.00 Loaf of bread 21 cents
Average Rent per month $118,00.

The Duck and I rented a two bedroom apartment in 1965, if memory serves the rent was $85 a month. We used a gift of $50 to buy a used chair and sofa ... unfortunately they did NOT look anything like the photo on the right!! Ha!


The Duck worked full-time while finishing his senior year at Tulsa University majoring in Chemical Engineering. I was the youngest 'ward clerk' Hillcrest Hospital ever hired and made minimum wages working full-time.

We had moved to Texas when I was 3 months pregnant with our first child. The Duck had graduated and started a job at Shell Chemical Company ... being 3 months kept him from being drafted during the Vietnam War.

In 1969, our 'favorite daughter' ... okay, okay, our only daughter and youngest child was born. We bought our first new home in 1968. It was 1,300 sq. ft. and had three bedroom, 1 1/2 baths ... the washer and dryer were out in the garage.






The Duck and I were never a part of the 60s scene ... we laugh about it even now. We married young, had our family when we were quite young ... and trying to be 'flower children' and march in Peace rallies wasn't something we wanted to do. And for better or worse, we were adult children of alcoholic parents ... thus we were 'serious and responsible' young adults ... or so we thought.


So, it WAS indeed a different world 'back then' ... we didn't have video games or satellite, there were no cell phones ... no computers ... no microwave ovens ... we listened to radio, followed the 'soaps' even then. We read! We sat outside and visited with neighbors. We played board games. We didn't lock our doors. We played outside, sometimes playing ball in the streets until we were called inside for dinner.

We didn't have seat belts ... No one wore helmets on motorcycles or bicycles ... our parents drank and smoked ... and yet we're still here!

Ah, yes, it was a different world back then. Many will say "Those Were The Good Ole Days" and in some ways I would have to agree ... it appeared to be a kinder and more gentle period of time. We may not have had all the technical advantages or comfort measures that we have today ... I have some wonderful memories and miss my grandmother so very much ... but for me it's the here and now ... this time in my life are my 'good ole days'. Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart!